The Cuckold Phenomena by Dr. Lee, PhD

This is some of the report published by Dr. Lee on cuck and hotwife marriages -

The Cuckold Phenomena

The Cuckold Husband / Hotwife Phenomena

Dr. Jerry Lee, Ph. D.

(Dr. Lee has lectured and published in the area of analytical psychology, and she developed one of the first electronic systems for the quantitative analysis human behavior.  She started her counseling work by leading gestalt therapy groups. Apart from this, her several decades of professional experience has been largely limited to urban female subjects.)

What Has Spurred the Cuckold Husband/HotWife Phenomena?

Although motivations for the cuckold husband/HotWife phenomena actually cover a wide spectrum, here we’ll cover a few of the most common.

Beautiful women are often typecast as being prone to sexual liaisons. Whereas this type of woman was once considered a “fallen woman”, this image now personifies an interesting new phenomenon.

Today's woman is allowed to be more sexually liberated. For some, especially older, married women, there appears to be a certain ego gratification in still being viewed as being sexually desirable - even discretely promiscuous. From the security of her primary relationship she is free to experience new levels of sexual freedom. In recent decades it has become socially acceptable for a woman to be just as open as a man about her sexuality.

Even though she may have begun to doubt her sexual attractiveness as she ages, as a “Hotwife” she discovers that men remain interested in her and finds gratification in this realization. For some women this can constitute a kind of new “sexual awakening”, often expressed in terms of personal empowerment.

In some circles a woman may even wear an ankle bracelet on her right ankle to signify that she’s a Hotwife, and she may openly flirt.

Many women feel that being a Hotwife turns them into a sex object. This seems to be primarily based on the premise that enjoying sex is a masculine prerogative. However, this is mostly a result of women being socially preconditioned to accept lower sexual standards and expectations.

Women in the Hotwife lifestyle have the ability to overcome sociological conditioning, and relearn much about themselves that conflicts with traditional, some argue flawed, wisdom.  This includes the culturally taboo aspects of a married women having sex outside their marriage.

All of this notwithstanding, the cuckold husband/Hotwife phenomena is typically the idea of the husband who is sexually excited by the idea of another man having sex with his wife.  This fantasy is one of the more mentioned among all male fantasies, so it is far from rare.

From the husband’s perspective, the pursuit of his wife by other men introduces a competitive instinct. This appears to strengthen the husbands resolve to remain faithful and attentive, as he seeks constant reaffirmation of the marital bond.  Simply put, the more she strays the more intent the husband becomes to secure his place at her side. 

Women have a different perspective on being a Hotwife, of course. After adjusting to the changes in the relationship they often express a sense of freedom and renewed self-assurance.  Gaining control over her sex life, and that of her husband's, introduces a sense of power most women never experience. 

Some women question the motivations for requests their husband may express, specifically the need for frequent comparison of their traits to those of her lover(s).  Strangely, husbands can become sexually excited when told by their wife that her lover is better endowed, more satisfying or more exciting than her husband.  Research suggests that men are motivated by the perception of a competitive landscape in which they are a contender for their wife's affection. Naturally, the husband recognizes his equivalent of the home field advantage (he has his wife's heart), so the creation of a contrived competitive disadvantage (real or perceived) appears to create the illusion of a fair fight in his mind, and triggers heightened sexual experiences.  Even in situations where the wife visits a lover and returns home, the husband does not seek immediate reassurance of his wife's love for him.  He will instead be seeking vivid descriptions of her extramarital activities, punctuated by frequent comparisons between him and her lover. 

In some ways there is a slight role reversal in the marriage, with the husband instead having to adjust to his wife's sexual preferences.  This may include both timing and frequency.  He must accept her choices of sexual partners, and adjust to the fact that his sexual needs may become secondary to both hers and even those of the men his wife sees outside the marriage. He may need to adjust to his wife not being sexually exclusive to him and, in extreme situations, her being sexually exclusive with another partner.  He may also have to deal with meeting men who have had or will have sexual relations with his wife.  All of these involve a wide range of unfamiliar, albeit potentially exciting, emotions for the husband.

The Quintessential Issue

Clearly, the cuckold husband/Hotwife idea is at odds with cultural conditioning and even personal jealousies. Although these conditions may not be desirable, they must be recognized. Even assuming that both partners willingly select the lifestyle, most of society does not condone it. There remains a stigma associated with a promiscuous wife and a husband who knowingly allows his wife to have extramarital sex.  The need for discretion has created a large underground movement of couples who participate in this lifestyle, while maintaining an otherwise traditional appearance.,

All this being said, given the high number of extramarital affairs, and the emerging changes in some social attitudes, one wonders if somewhere down the road to cultural enlightenment the U.S. won’t be ready to accept these relationships more openly. We may be in the early stages of that now, with broadening recognition and acceptance of alternative lifestyles, and an apparent growth of participants.

Although the transition will certainly be bumpy, we are seeing some shift of the emphasis toward crafting successful personal relationships based on working with natural human proclivities, rather than against them.  Age-old, refutable doctrines of sexual exclusivity are fundamentally flawed, simplistically designed to cater primarily to male jealousies, insecurities and the resultant attempt to control the female gender.