Commentary On The Cuckold Husband
by Diane M.
Perhaps it's best to start out with a definition of the word cuckold. As defined in the dictionary "A man married to a unfaithful wife." Simple enough, the guy's wife cheats. Many men fit this category, for it may surprise you how many wives actually have cheated at least once. But cuckold has come to mean something more, at least according to the many stories written on the internet I read, those stories about men who want their wives to be unfaithful. That does bring up the question of what is unfaithful. Is a woman who has sexual relations with other men with the total approval of her husband really unfaithful? I'm sure this could be debated. But I think not. Being unfaithful, would to most people, be cheating. Having approval is not cheating.
Of course, we’re talking only an open marriage on a one-way street. The expectations of a monogamous husband are both expected and required in cuckoldry.
I think we need to redefine cuckold to mean any husband who wants his wife to have sexual relationships with other men. I further propose that we refine the definition to mean a husband who is at least somewhat obsessed with the idea. Adding further that he constantly craves such an experience. Most do from what I have seen.
I propose we define cuckold to mean a husband who desires his wife to subjugate him to a secondary sexual role by having relationships primarily with other men.
The myriad of motivations of both is less easily defined. Many men are willing to allow his wife the pleasure of a MFM threesome but he's doing it for both of them. She likes the experience and he likes the thrill of watching. Nothing wrong with that, as they both get something out of it.
On the other extreme, she consents at first to fulfill his fantasy and please him by sleeping with another man. But finding she loved it, she now continues for her own pleasure, often despite or at least oblivious to any objection her husband may raise. Before long she may realize her husband will do just about anything to watch or even hear about her experiences.
Just think of the advantages her life now takes on. She may find that he'll watch the kids and even straighten up the house while she is gone, or even more. He may even take a role in procuring lovers for her, if she so desired. There may be no limit to what he would do for her, in order to insure that she continues. Oh my god, why did I not think of this sooner? Not only can I live a sexually liberated life of my choice, I can make my life easier.
Since I became a poster here I was contacted by a man who wanted me to teach his wife to be just like me. (I wonder if he'd pay me?) I find this a strange request, as he doesn’t really know me or who I am. For most women like me sex, even cuckold sex with other men, involves emotions you guys can't understand. Yes it may be just sex but for women sex is still more emotion then it is for men. I can’t teach another woman how to do this. Her decision to do so must begin within your relationship and grow outward from there, as mine did.
After a bit of self discovery, the what and the why of who I was and who I am became more clear to me. I have become stronger and more self aware, and I also realize that I love women almost as much as men. In my mind I've probably always been bisexual, one who admittedly hid for most of her adult life, but still the feelings have always been there. I was always attracted to women. Sexually I'm more bisexual then lesbian, but I do believe all women are or can be bisexual. To deny that is just asinine to me. Sex is about pleasure, either sex can do that for women. In many past cultures female bisexuality was the norm not the exception. Women are a part of my sex life, and hence our sex life, which my husband is aware of. His preference remains for my involvement to be mostly with other men, which I am also happy to provide.
We have our preferences as all couples do. He prefers my lovers to be better hung than he. Second, he prefers my lovers to be better than he. This seems silly, as my husband is a giving lover between the sheets. Third, he prefers my lovers to be more dominant than I am accustomed to with him. As a closet submissive this is also my preference.
Last, maybe the most important, is his desire to see me as a sex object, a temporary state of our relationship that is based on lust, not love. I realize that this is part of all fantasies, and often find myself enthralled with that role. Object all you may want, but calling your a wife a cock-sucking whore is the result of lust, not love. Seeing her being a cock-sucking whore with someone else is still lust, not love. Hearing how another man called her a cock-sucking whore on her date is lust, not love. As long as it’s part of your mutual fantasies and part of the lifestyle you both choose, then it’s all good. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as it is part of a larger, loving relationship.
I do not find it offensive to be seen as a sexual object. At times I long for it. It can be a great boost for the soul and the self-esteem. At times in any healthy relationship we see our lovers as a purely sexual object. I can lose myself in such lust even with someone else, as long as I feel secure that it is wrapped within a larger blanket of love and tenderness that I get at home.
I think many fantasies of my husband push the boundaries and often cross into the realm of pure fantasy. What would his reaction REALLY be if I decided I didn't want to return to a monogamist relationship? How would he feel when some other man picked me up for a date but I didn't come home that night because the sex was so wonderful? How would he truly react if I developed feelings for the other man? How would he truly feel if I were to tell him that only my lover could now satisfy my sexual needs? How would he really react if his friends knew his loving wife was available to them for their loving? What would he really do if I became pregnant with someone else's child?
I've often heard it said that men usually get their wives into swinging, and then it's the wife who chooses that they continue that lifestyle. I’m a woman and I can tell you that at some point it becomes less about pleasing your husband and more about enjoying other men. Men, your wife may try it the first time to please you. But if you find that she wants to continue, then you should know that at some point it will become about her pleasure, not yours. Some wives find they like having sex with different partners, and want to continue. It happens for real.
Most of us at some time or other wanted a man other then our husband. Some of us acted on that. I think you men sometimes underestimate our sexual appetite. You confuse control with lack of desire. I assure you, we can be just as lustful as you are. However, we are brought up to show control. Society judges us to be weak and wanting if we do not show control. If we act like men, as concerns sex, we are called sluts. Where is the equivalent term for a man?
In a way it is sad, but we as women are the harshest judges of all, and we judge other women by a much higher standard then we judge you men. That is slowly changing and in many ways that has already changed. Women are already much more accepting of gender preference then you men are. I really think Bill Clinton was lucky he was the president when he was and not ten years from now. The polls show, we as women did not judge Bill badly but we did judge Monica a slut. Someday we'll wake up and we'll see that men like Bill are users. When that day comes we may just decide we can be users to. You men may well regret that. We may choose to use you for the same purposes men have always used women.
I do thank you for taking the time to read this. And here's wishing all of you loving, cuckold husbands the best, may you come home from work next week and find your wife making love to one of your best buddies.
